Can You Say NO … and Do You?

Saying NO is hard for many of us. We’re taught from a very young age to be polite, nurturing, accommodating.

We’re rarely taught to set clear boundaries and put our needs before others, and if we’re lucky enough to learn these skills, we’re often criticised for using them and taking care of ourselves.

So how do you balance self-care with care of others?

There really is no one answer to this question unfortunately, because each of us is different.

• Some people enjoy taking care of others and find it rewarding to help, most of the time.

• Others needs more time alone to rejuvenate before being able to help.

Whatever your personality type, there is no right or wrong way of living your life if it works for you.

Setting clear boundaries can seem insensitive to some, but can also improve the quality of a relationship. I personally found this to be true with my mother.

We had difficulty being together because we were so different. We had to have many hard conversations to come to a place of mutual respect and acceptance of each other.

I had to say NO more than once and many of my family members criticized me and called me selfish when I did.

Ironically, I actually have a better relationship with my mother now and enjoy the time I spend with her.

It’s really hard to do but it’s worth trying. Learning any new skill takes effort, but it often very worthwhile.

Action Step:

• Think of the last time you struggled to say NO to someone and prioritized their needs over your own.

• Now imagine a different scenario where you prioritize your needs over theirs and did say NO, and notice how that makes you feel.

  We’re not going to be able to do it every time we want to, but if we can’t even imagine it, we’ll never be able to do it. Keep practicing and find the balance in your own life that works for you!